Entry #2

Dear Diary,

First, a couple writing updates.

I’ve been stuck on The Archfiend Artifact for a while now, but I finally made some headway. All I have to do is rewrite chapter 17 and rearrange a few others before continuing on. My estimate puts it at about 67,000 words once it’s complete. Right now, it’s sitting at 53,200, but I’m missing a good portion of the middle.

Something else I’m just beginning to work on: another series. This one will be written under my new pen name JT LeFae (Jezzarie Taylor LeFae). This is due to the erotic nature of the tales, and my want to keep them separate from the others I write. This new series will still be paranormal, but they’ll have detailed sex scenes in them. Why? Because, unfortunately, sex sells.

And I need practice for The Tainted Soul.

Now for something a lot more personal…

There are a couple of questions that haunt me like a plague. They are: Why don’t you get out of the house and do something?; How are you?; and What do you have to be anxious about?

Well, let me answer those right now.

How am I?

I can never truthfully answer that without bringing up personal stuff. I want to say, “I’m suffering from depression, anxiety, and constant stabbing pain in my hip, but thanks for reminding me.” Instead, I simply answer, “Still alive,” which is the truth, but makes me sound suicidal–been there, done that; don’t recommend it.

What am I anxious about?

There’s too many things to name, but if you really want to know… Is someone going to hit me with a car? (walking/driving); Is someone going to attack me? (it’s happened); What if someone runs over my dog?; Is someone going to mug me?; Why is that person staring at me?; Is that person following me?; What if the house catches fire while I’m gone? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Why don’t I get out and do something?

With no money and near-constant anxiety any time I go somewhere, getting out of the house is a nightmare. Not that there’s anything to do in North Dakota anyway. Join a club? – Too many people; Go to a bar? – Too many people and against my vows; Go to a movie? – No money; Go swimming? – Hate it and allergic to 99.99% of swimsuits; Go fishing? – Against my vows; Go camping? – Can’t drive the RV and no money; Travel? – Love to, but no money.

I’m comfortable at home, but easily bored (I’ve heard it’s a downside of a 189 IQ). So I feed my gaming addiction by playing Skyrim or World of Warcraft or the like. There are still a few anxious thoughts that hit me like a runaway bullet train; most notably: Is the furnace going to explode?; Is my dog going to escape the yard and get hit by a car?; Is someone going to break in?

I hate it. I hate feeling scared all the time, but I can’t seem to reprogram my brain to not think of these things. So I suffer in silence and pretend everything is hunky-dory.

PS, It is difficult to write with four dogs curled up on my lap.

Back to Work

Dear Diary,

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve done a blog post. It’s also been a while since I’ve written anything. I feel guilty about making my fans wait and wait and wait for the next book. My anxiety has been spiking, and I’ve been feeling down, so I’ve been feeding my gaming addiction again instead of working.

Then I went to Montana for a week.

It’s amazing what having no internet can do to the system. I was able to finish an art project while I was there. While working on it, I got asked by multiple people about making custom gun cases (I was at a shooting event known as The Quigley). That spawned the idea for a whole ‘nuther company: Hidden Talent Designs. It’s family-owned and operated and will make custom leather gun cases, hardwood ammo boxes, and other works of art.

I also plan to sell my books in conjunction with the art. Two birds, one stone perhaps? But first, I have to finish them.

I will say that I was floored when I stumbled onto Inkitt and discovered people have been leaving me great reviews for The Glass Shadow (now known as The Archfiend Artifact). And that’s the outdated version! I can’t wait to see their reaction to the new, darker version of the story.

Speaking of “darker,” I’ve decided to pull The Archfiend Artifact out of a publishing deal. The imprint wanted to publish it if I turned the story a little darker, but I haven’t heard from them in a while, so I told them to forget it. I’m going to try my luck elsewhere instead.

And it’s July 1st. You know what that means?

Camp NaNo kicked off today. The writing event has previously given me a motivational boost, so maybe I can get some writing done. A minimum of 50,000 words in 30 days? Let’s do this!